The Deep Blue

Our Shared Outrage

I am not sure how to write this blog, how to communicate my thoughts comprehensively, but I will try.

So a few days back I started my college (virtually off-course), and you know the excitement of starting something new, the anxiety, the awkwardness, the uncertainty, the expectations, well I had all of them. But this is not a blog about my first week of college, this is a blog of a sense of recognition at a scale I have never experienced before.

Naturally in the most 2020 fashion, I was put into a WhatsApp group with my classmates, so that we could bond and interact. The conversations began with the casual, “hi, I am this”, “I do that”, “I live here”, “I studied there”, mundane in its most basic sense yet exhilarating and extraordinary.

The group was flooded with texts from 80 odd human beings, I was exhausted by the amount of social skills and energy people had (extroverts are the worst). Gradually the conversation took an interesting turn, we started discussing politics and feminism and our lives.

Suddenly at-least 20 women were contributing to the conversation, acknowledging each other’s experiences, and more importantly, empathizing with their circumstances.

We had half-assed discussions about almost everything, from Divyangana to Kangana, from feminist literature to Kabir Singh, from misogyny at home to sexual abuse online, from trans rights to fascism. And though these discussions were fleeting, unyielding, and haphazard they were fulfilling.

Some might deem these conversations unnecessary, “are you helping in any way?”, “you can only shout and talk, why don’t you do something?”

And why is it that, as a normal citizen I don’t have the right to question the wrongs without simultaneously diving into action? I am a feminist, NOT an activist.

“A feminist perspective” says Nivedita Menon “recognises that the hierarchical organizing of the world around gender is key to maintaining social order; that to live lives marked ‘male’ and ‘female’ is to live different realities.” And this is what I mean when I label myself as a feminist.

When someone asks me these questions, I can’t help but notice the sheer irony of these questions. We live in a society so fragile, that it is threatened by mere discussions, opinions, dialogues. When we can’t even afford to let women speak their mind, do we really have the audacity to say “go and do something”?

These discussions are necessary to signify that we have the right to occupy space, to have an opinion, to express our angst. That an official platform, a center stage of an organization is not of our limits.

As we were sharing, I was shocked by the similarity of our experiences even though we are so different as individual entities. Almost every one of them had been character assassinated in their schools for the lengths of their skirts, or for talking to boys. Almost every one of them has been groped, catcalled, physically abused. Almost everyone body-shamed. Almost everyone shunned for “inappropriate” behavior. Almost every one of them faces misogyny in their own homes. Almost Everyone.

So common, so ordinary, so usual is our suffering and yet so hard to communicate this to the World. So hard to convince that this happens, every day to almost everyone. And I think the problem lies in the fact that we have gotten so used to how things are that they have started to seem ‘ordinary’. Nothing about this ordinary. It should not be.

Amid this conversation, someone said, “this conversation will trigger my angry feminist side”, and someone responded “yes why not? Why shouldn’t we be angry?” and this sparked a lot of thoughts in me.

Anyone who is a feminist knows the journey; first, you are not a feminist; blissfully ignorant and content. Then you observe and discover the reality of the world, and you become a feminist, a bad one. You can never avoid being a bad feminist, that’s the only path to become a good feminist. Then you learn and unlearn, teach yourself and very slowly transform into a “good” or let’s say a well-informed feminist.

So in my recent quest of becoming a good feminist, I have decided that I won’t be an “angry” feminist. I won’t succumb to the stereotype.

My fear of anger taught me nothing.
Audre Lord

I told myself I will imitate my personal Goddess Rega Jha, I will model myself after her, with the right amount of anger, empathy, and profundity.

Quote by Rega Jha.
Artwork by – Akankhsa Fulzele

Now coming back to the conversation, “why shouldn’t we be angry?”, I can’t think of any valid satisfactory answer. We ought to be angry, if anger is not our response to the continued oppression then what is? If anger is not our motivation then what is? How will I fight my battles if my soul is not raging? And then someone said, “this is our collective rage”, and everything made perfect sense to me.

Our Shared Rage. This is what binds us as a community of women. The very basis of our sister-hood is this anger. Anger not directed towards one gender or class or race but the universal system that chains us, belittles our existence.

I am aware of how the system of oppression is not uniform, how forces of race, sexuality, and class play a major role in the status of a woman in her immediate society. But the suppression of women for being women is surely constant.

And I have become more convinced of this thought in the days that succeeded our first group interaction. Today, when I write this, I have already shared space with these 80 people for a week, attended at least 15 classes, ignored at least 15k spams on the group.

I don’t listen to BTS music, I don’t know about tictoc aesthetics, I don’t know about Freudian philosophy, I don’t know about Greek Mythologies. The list goes on and on. I don’t know anything about these things, these women care so deeply about.

The only commonality we share is our pain, our inheritance of suppression, and our battles. And it is enough to bind us, since our experiences are always shaped by our identity as a Woman. The intricacies of human life are of no importance in the society we live in. When looked from above, we are all the same, bodies with wombs.

Often our voices are muffled, by the constant noise of this pathetic world, but together we amplify what we are and what we will become. We hold hands, we pledge, and we share our Outrage.

Know you are the type of woman who is searching for a place to call yours.

Let the statues crumble.
You have always been the place.

You are a woman who can build it yourself.
You were born to build.
Sarah Kay

Have we Romanticised Mental Illness?

TW: Mention of Suicide.

The untimely death of Sushant Singh Rajput has taken the country by shock. For the first time, we were (now we are in the middle of a witch hunt, but that’s a blog for another day) seriously discussing issues related to mental health. I heard my parents talking about trauma and suicide for the first time in my 19 years of existence.

The death highlighted the insensitivity of the country. As reporters were seen shoving microphones on the faces of the deceased’s family. And photographs of the dead-body were being circulated on family WhatsApp groups.

The issue of mental health is complex and tender, but we seem to have arrived at two opposite ends of a spectrum. On the one hand, we have people who don’t even care about privacy or boundaries let alone mental health. And on the other hand, we have a youth who has actively consumed discussion around mental health from global and pop culture.
The latter seems to have formed a quite different understanding of the issue.

On any random day scrolling across my social media handles, I find at least a couple of “sad” and “depressed” posts. These words are often used as synonyms, which is evidence enough that we have failed to educate the youth.

These compound health concerns have been reduced to a couple of hashtags, used to decorate our posts, serving as “aesthetics”.

This makes me wonder Have we Romanticised Mental Illnesses?

Many disorders like ADHD, Autism, IDID affect children from a very early age. Children must have a proper understanding of their mental and physical health. If children become aware it will be easier for them to seek and get help. This will also help in breaking the taboo surrounding the subject.

In the Digital Age, the internet is our basic source of information. The entertainment media be it digital or television is hugely responsible for forming perceptions.

Platforms like Tiktok and Youtube are filled with videos portraying mental illness in a distorted way. These are generally made my misinformed and unaware individuals. And the algorithms of these platforms make these videos very popular among its viewer base, who are mostly teenagers and young adults.

These platforms glorify self-harm and suicidal tendencies. I have seen 100s of videos of people slitting their arms, red blood dripping while there is some shady Bollywood song playing in the background. “Copycat” suicides is of major concern especially in the youth. Such videos only add fuel to the fire.

Glorification of Self Harm. Source- pinterest

Depression is mostly seen as a bi-product of heartbreak and is overcome by revenge or finding new love. Words like anxiety are thrown around posts as if its free candy.

There are 21.7 million and 15 million posts with hashtag depression and anxiety respectively on instagram.

People on the internet generally share these posts with captions like “mood”. This gives away the wrong idea that depression is something you can be feeling one evening and snap out of it the next day.

The meme culture is largely at blame here. Our generation has a habit of finding anything and everything funny. By laughing at memes which present a wrong idea of mental health we confirm these ideas and help in spreading wrong information.

Casual usage of depression by meme accounts. Source – Socially Hoe( Instagram)

We have become a generation of people who express our sadness by removing WhatsApp DPs and sharing sad quotes. It gives rise to a digital culture where everyone wants to be an introvert and lonely just to be “cool”.

In a country where 1 out of 7 people suffer from a mental disability is it appropriate to casually use terms like depression to be relatable?

According to a study conducted on the state of mental health in India, there are 197.3 million people who suffer from mental disorders as of 2017.

Did you know India has the highest suicide rate in the south Asian region? According to the Lancet report, suicide rates in India are highest in the people belonging to the age group 15-29. India has the third-highest female suicide rate in the world.

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day, but are we preventing suicides?

In 2019 there were 3.9% more deaths by suicide than previous year. In a country where 1 in 60 persons are affected by suicides can we afford to neglect issues of mental health and allow media to sway us in the wrong direction?

Suicides are avoidable, with social programs and accessible professional help, the rate can be curbed. The WHO has launched Sustainable Development Goals to reduce suicide deaths by 2030.

Amongst mental disorders, depressive disorders are most prevalent followed by anxiety disorders. But there is also a huge number of people who suffer from Schizophrenia, Bipolar disorder, Eating disorder, ADHD.

Yet we have little to no knowledge about these disorders. Even social media posts rarely mention these diseases. Making a divide between “cool” and “un-cool” mental conditions thus contributing to the misinformation and taboo around these disorders.

Why is this ‘ Performative Depression/ Anxiety’ wrong?

First it reduces the gravity of the problem. It reinforces the idea that mental health is not like physical health and thus people claiming to be suffering from them is a hoax.

It oversimplifies the problem and gives the wrong image. For example, I have seen people point out to a smiling person and say things like “no way that person is depressed”.

It makes it harder for the person who is dealing with these issues to seek help. Not everyone can seek professional help due to financial reasons. And let’s face it, the majority of towns and villages in India have no facilities relating to mental health. So the only option left to most of us is to reach out to family or friends to share what we are feeling. But this becomes difficult due to lack of awareness.

Misrepresentation regarding issues like suicide and self-harm leads to a culture of victim shaming. Where people often hold the victims responsible for their actions and completely ignore the major psychological trauma they are facing. This happens because most of us have consumed content where self-harm has been shown as a ‘choice’.

And lastly, it gives away the idea that anyone and everyone can provide “remedies” and “solutions” to mental health issues. As I said earlier mental health is complex and very subjective. Talking to a friend and having a therapy session with a professional are very different things and should be treated as such.

It is important that when the conversations are finally beginning in this country we steer them in the right direction.

The Journalism industry in this country needs serious ethics learning lessons. News articles and primetime debate shows are crucial in shaping narratives about every issue and the issue of mental health is no exception.

Social media can be a great place where one finds a community and a sense of understanding. Many pages are working towards educating and spreading awareness on the topic of mental health one post at a time.

While navigating the digital world it is our responsibility to share and consume content more sensibly.

I was very happy to learn while researching for this blog that if you search hashtags like depression, on Instagram and Pinterest. It shows you helpline numbers and provides you with basic mental health guidelines. This may be a small step but it is surely a very useful one.

A new helpline named Kiran was launched which is available in 13 languages to help people have access to professional help.

Such collective efforts from government organizations, NGOs, social media platforms show us new rays of hope in tackling the mental health situation. It is also our responsibility to keep learning and contributing in our ways to help resolve these issues.

I have sited all the sources of data mentioned in this blog.

Here are few blogs that helped me research better in this topic.

1. Why are we romanticizing mental illness on social media? 2. From Stigmatized to Sensationalized 3.Students suicides rising 4.We Need to Stop Making Mental Illness Look Cool on Social Media.

Feature Image Credit- BPB Wear

” You have Changed”

Do you ever look at a butterfly and think it was more beautiful when it was a caterpillar? Do you ever look at a rose and think it is less beautiful than a rosebud?

I guess no. Then why is it that whenever someone says “you have changed”, you feel uncomfortable?

No matter who you are, what you do, I am pretty sure you must have heard this phrase at least once in your life. I have heard it plenty of times.

Earlier when people used to claim that I have changed, I used to get all defensive. I used to prove as a matter of fact that “no, I have not changed, I am still old me”. I used to over-analyze and feel bad that people perceive me as someone different. That maybe I am doing something wrong.

Now, I take it as a compliment, like a report card for my progress. “Thank You, I have been working really hard” is what I say, sometimes out loud, sometimes in my mind.

Change no longer has negative connotations in my mind. For me, it is synonymous with growth (mostly positive growth).

In my geography class, I learned there is a difference between Growth and Development. That one is quantitative and another qualitative. Thus naturally one can be both positive and negative and another always positive.

And even after knowing this, I think of change as growth because sometimes a decrease in the degree of a trait is more beneficial.

For example, when someone says I have become less friendly (apparent negative change) I still take it as a compliment. Because that simply means I have become less gullible, I no longer indulge in friendships that cause me harm. And if that makes me “less friendly” then so be it.